MOTHER’S LITTLE CONSCIENCE-KEEPER

On June 16, 1990 – to use a cliché – Anu was born and I was born too – as a mother.
It seems an under-statement to say that my life changed the day my little bundle of joy was placed in my waiting hands. I know trillions and trillions of parents would have gone through that life-changing moment, yet it is something truly personal and unique.

As I have said many times before, Anu hardly troubled me as a child. In fact, the landlord’s son would tell his mother, “You hardly know that there’s a baby in the house”. There are so many memories of Anu that I cherish. I’ll never forget how she had put a peanut up her nose and we had to rush her to the doctor to get it removed! Then there was the time that she had applied honey on her face because Cleopatra is supposed to have used it. When I returned from work, she told me “Cleopatra must have felt really sticky!” Of course her long, solitary walk from school to Nandidurg Road in first standard is something all our friends remember vividly!

Anu had this delightful habit of writing little notes when she wanted to tell me something – whether it was apologizing for not getting good marks in a test or to ask for some money every month “like a salary”. I have preserved those notes till today and while she finds them silly, I really love them!
Anu is extremely honest with a very strong sense of right and wrong. Over the years, she has become my moral barometer. Whenever I am in a moral dilemma I sound her off and can be sure that I will be given the ‘right’ advice. Sometimes, I wonder who the mother is and who the child! There are other times when I may not actually seek out her advice but mentally test myself – would Anu approve of what I am doing? What would she say if I told her about this?

And she always has a lot to say when she feels I am not doing the right thing. “You were rude. They are just doing their job” she says when I rave and rant at some hapless customer service guys. “Why do you yell so much?” she grumbles when I scold the maid. “That was mean of you”, she points out when I say or do something that she feels is not right. She was the reason I went and voted this time. “Don’t grumble about the system, when you are not even willing to make the effort to go and vote” she told me again and again. There are innumerable incidents where Anu has – intentionally or unintentionally - helped me do a reality check on life.

She has also helped me see the “greys” in what I previously thought were clear black and white situations. Her perspectives have made me rethink on many issues like homosexuality. Of course, she also has her own dilemma s and sometimes asks me for help. “Having a conscience sucks” she said once, when I told her to do what she believes is right.

For the most part, she is a very truthful person and has never ever cheated in her exams. I remember once when Anu was in school, her teacher erroneously given her extra marks for Kannada (or was it Hindi?) Anu faithfully pointed it out to the teacher. The teacher told her that she would correct it in the Report Card, but forgot to do so. So Anu again walked up to the teacher and told her that she had forgotten to correct the mistake. “The extra marks are for your honesty”, the teacher answered.

Of course, it has not been all rosy and hunky dory. Life never is. As Veronica, her school friend, used to say: “Life is like the left bum of a black man. It is neither fair nor right!” We have had our share of fights and misunderstandings, we have gone through our ups and downs, we have said some hurtful things to each other in fits of anger, which we never meant….. but that’s alright. At the end of it all, I know Anu loves and respects her parents and I hope she knows the feelings are reciprocated many times over.

I don’t know if I have been a good mother, but I am blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. I love her concern that I can see in so many little things she does for me, in the way she senses when I am upset or worried, or when she can make out from my voice if I am having a tough day. .. I can go on writing reams and reams about my favourite woman, and I know she will brush it aside with “You are saying that because you are my mom”, so here’s just wishing you Anu a truly wonderful birthday from me and papa. We love you loads!!!!